Pinpoint The Cause
Can you pinpoint what may have been the cause of your fears?
Do you still try and avoid certain situations or do you face them and push through regardless of whether you will fail or not?
My story is probably no different to a lot of fathers.
Traditional Family
I was raised in a traditional family who kept reminding me that a good education and hard work were the best way of creating a life worth living. I really felt the pressure when I was in school and I believe is the reason I got completely lost when trying to work out what I was going to do for the rest of my life.
I had a very keen interest in music and would DJ and arrange parties, but I'd hear people say "That is no career! You should be an accountant or something similar so you have a safe job that will give you all you need."
Misguided By Parents
After finishing high school I was left with low pass grades in Maths and Physics which left me with very little choice of subjects to study at university or college. I look back now and it is so obvious that I was being directed by my parents. "You could do accountancy, podiatry or printing & packaging." I mean, you couldn't get a more eclectic range of studies to choose from.
None of them appealed but accountancy was the least appealing of all ... yup even less so that messing with people's feet! I settled for Printing & Packaging.
My selection process (sorry my parent's selection process) was based on friends of the family being in the business. Of course, basing my future on that made perfect sense (sarcasm!). At the time I had no reason to doubt it because I was clueless about what I really wanted to do. I just knew that I was expected to go to college or go to work. I was still a teenager so why on earth would I want to go to work?
Joining The Corporate World
Of course, my time at college was depressing. I hated the classes and, after returning from a year of work placement, I actively avoided going to them. Eventually, I had enough and abandoned the course to start work. I can't say that I was popular with my parents, not least because they had spent a lot of money putting me through the course.
Ever since starting an office job, I feel like I have been trapped. I didn't have the confidence to push myself forward and would rarely get involved in projects. Why? All because I was afraid to fail.
In my eyes, I had failed at pretty much everything I attempted so why would I want to keep putting myself through that? I think I have been able to pin down the reason for this and it all stems from French classes in the first year or two at high school.
Belittled
The teaching method was, in my mind, a little cruel. Before even stepping into the classroom I would be on edge because I knew that the teacher would be speaking almost entirely in French. It didn't matter how much gesturing or examples were given, I just didn't get it. Then would come the thing I feared the most, the random selection of pupils to answer a question that was given in French that they had to respond to in French. I wasn't chosen very often but those few occasions turned into the most soul-destroying and belittling experiences in front of the whole class.
Answering a question would require the student to stand up and have everyone witness their response. Of course, I wouldn't really understand the question and wouldn't know how best to respond. The little I did know would be the worst grammar and pronunciation which basically turned me into the best example of how not to do it. Kids would laugh and I could hear the teacher's disappointment as my contribution would be picked to pieces.
With fear having manifested and actively avoiding any situations in school that I could fail at, starting work was a scary realisation. Progress in any position I worked in was practically non-existent. In the one supervisory role I had, I was out of my depth. I applied for a few management roles but was overlooked for all of them.
Options
It took me far too long to realise that I had options. Options that I would enjoy far more than the normal 9-5. My problem, however, was not knowing where to get the guidance and help I needed. I try not to dwell on it too much but do wonder what direction my life would have taken had I found that guidance and coaching 30 years ago.
Recognise When Fear Manifests
Well, there is my heavily abbreviated account of what I believe was the cause of my fear of failure and how it affected my working life. I cannot say that I have won the battle and there are times that my ego takes over and tells me I should avoid putting myself into certain situations. What I have been able to do is recognise when my doubts and fears start to manifest and have been able to push them aside more often than they have taken over. It certainly pays off to face my fears and I intend to keep pushing myself outside of my comfort zone whenever the opportunity arises.
So, the sun is out and the temperature is a lovely 28ºC. What did you do today? Did you actively engage in something that was outside your comfort zone? Did you face any of your fears?
Remember, "Life Is Too Short To Be Afraid!"
Have a great day!
